Middle of Nowhere Productions

MON Productions Team Members


Bugger off – get your own story.

But in case you want something extra, here it is: it was me who found the caves in the Andes, and it was a marvelous idea, even with the sudden decrease in submarine captains. I suppose their business in the Sahara was growing, and so they took matters elsewhere.

However – whistle lollypop business or no – I’ve never come across another team in my life that have whinged as much as they. Not once, even – no, especially – after visiting Whinging Homeworld of this fine Menjaholicon Sector of the Universe we like to call home. Those chipmunk hybrids didn’t cut it compared to Deon, Ben or Matt. What was also wasted about the trip to Whingotopia (closely linked to Plonkatopia), was that I didn’t come across a single inhabitant that was named Alvin. For shame…

20 millennia, 7 purchased melodicas and a carved pumpkin later, here I am in the cave finding the reasons for why I haven’t left and continued on my much travelled life. You could say I’ve settled down, but really this has been the most unsettled time of my life. Making movies, pshhhh. Yes, I suppose it was also my idea to start that also, yet control became a laughable word so we tried not to use it too often. However, in housing the film production company in the cave I decided to formulate these rules to stop the abusing of privileges.

  1. If I see another bloody pair of pantaloons again, drying on the washing line, it’ll be sausaged. None of this, “Oh, golly, well I suppose I shouldn’t have stopped for that dip in the Hudson after meeting Ben and Deon and forgetting to dry them out after traveling across several continents, old chap.”
  2. Anyone who raises the idea of another movie involving the so-called notorious “Infinite Universe,” they know where to go. And, indeed, that is place is out.
  3. If they do film something, however, here are some tips:
    • Try an outline of the story before filming!
    • Don’t time jump!
    • Don’t do 2 part flashback sequence and expect the audience to understand.
    • A script that has talking horses isn’t necessarily a bad movie.
    • If anyone, ANYONE tries to time jump… I’ll… be angry.
    • Basically, I wanted to stop time jumping.
  4. Will Deon ever teach me how to Charleston?
  5. If Wilhelm McJohnny hurts Johnny Bobsled in any way, I’ll blame it on Ben – whose best response is probably to leave his biography out of this Middle Of Nowhere website endeavour.

Thank you,


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