Fish Fly West Episode 15 - Lamborgini Sandwich
Prologue
A woman: The Gods Must be Crazy?
(party scene where all sorts of gods from all sorts of religions/mythologies are having a party, making loud noises and saying "Platoon!" a number of times)
Credits
Scene 1:
Philby: I'm dead. (dies)
Ninjo: That was embarrassing.
Scene 2:
(Philby is flying with a screen of flying toasters like the microsoft screensaver)
Philby: Phew, that was only reality. So good to come back to dreamworld. Hang on, I'm dead.
(Philby heads on up to the Pearly Gates)
Philby: Umm....Dead, eh?
(Philby looks around)
Philby: Seems like this place is pretty whack-dead too. Where is everyone.
(pushes open the gates tentatively. Still no one around. Sees an odd billboard that is a centrepeice of the neighbourhood)
Philby: That's odd, I didn't know New Homeworld had the contract for heaven...
Scene 3:
(Ninjo is crying over Philby's dead body)
Ninjo: And to think that he never tasted true antelope! No I musn't cry. I must honour his life, like any true great artist.
(Two lizards enter the room)
Lizard 1: Hey there's a crying man, and a dead body in here. I'm not going to live here!
Lizard 2: Chill it ok, we can just move them!
(Two dolphins enter)
Dolphin 1: Hey I love this place!
Dolphin 2: What's that smell?
Dolphin 1: Open a window!
Lizard 2: Hey we found this place first!
Dolphin 1: Hey buzz off ok!
Ninjo (yelling): Hey what is going on!
Lizard 1: Yeah we'll really have to get rid of this guy!
Dolphin 1: I told you this is our place!
Ninjo (still yelling): Get out!
(Ninjo goes into a karate stance)
Dolphin 1: I think he's getting ready to say something
Lizard 2: My head is made of candy!
Scene 4:
Philby: I really wonder what that button does, I guess I'll never know (zooms out to show sign - Reality Distortion Button, press if bored), as I cannot read but only write. (Sounds more depressed) I failed the only real 'R' of the 'Three R's'
Scene 5:
Ninjo: It's time for you all to understand the POWERFUL NINJA I'VE BECOME oh damn I left the iron on. (leans over and switches it off)
(Fight Scene! At last! Stage directions
1. Ninjo fly kicks Dolphin 1 in the head
2. Ninjo lands, grabs the couch and swings it at Lizard one, who gets thrown back against the window and smashes through it
3. Ninjo fights Dolphin 2 who parries him with his tail. Dolphin gives a menacing facial expression. As a desperate measure he grabs the iron and uses that to twang him. Dolphin goes down, with a groan and inoluntary spirt of water from its hole (even if it does breathe air)
4. Ninjo undoes the water section of the iron and pours it over Lizard 2, who sticks to the ground because his head is made of candy.)
Lizard 2: Damn.
Philby: What was that?
Scene 6 (Black screen with text that reads: "A few mintues earlier"):
(Philby wanders through a black room towards a single illuminated door. He opens it a fraction and peers through. Inside the room two parrots are playing backgammon. Philby slowly closes the door. He opens it again and is immediately attacked by one of the parrots. Meanwhile the other parrot begins to recite Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade". Philby runs from the attacking parrot and falls down a well and straight into a chair. The chair is situated in front of a table. Opposite Philby sits a beautiful woman.)
Woman: Your time here is finished!
Philby: What? Where am I? Is this a joke? Am I dead? I have so many questions!
Woman: Be quiet!
Philby: Ok...
Scene 5 (Back in the apartment)
Ninjo: What are you doing here?
Philby: I live here.
Ninjo: Ok, want to get some burgers?
Philby: I'm not really hungry, I've already eaten. Hey is that me?
(Philby looks at his own dead body)
Ninjo: I guess?
Philby: Wow, learn something new every day. You know what I am hungry.
(They leave the room)
(The two chickens enter and see Philby's dead body and the two lizards and two dolphins who are only now getting up and licking their wounds from Ninjo's attack)
Chicken 1: So, about that weather?
Chicken 2: I think I'm about to lay an egg.
Chicken 1: You think you've got it bad? That guys head is made of candy!
The End