Episode 12 - I wish I wasn't wearing a sheep's skin rug.
Introduction
Person 1: Heads you win, tails you lose.
(Person two tosses a coin)
Person 1: What is it?
Person 2: Torso...
Person 1: What?
Person 2: That's what it is.
Person 1: The gods must decide this fate!
(A third person enters a hits person 1 over the head with a rubber chicken)
Person 2 (In a loud triumphant voice): The gods have spoke!
[Opening Credits]
Scene 1
(The apartment. Philby and Ninjo are playing chess)
Philby: Rook to pawn 5.
Ninjo: I took both your rooks, that's a cheeto, stop dropping food on the table and concentrate.
Philby: Sorry. My mind is else where.
(Cut to a seedy night club. Philby's brain is dancing with two women in front of a D.J.)
Ninjo: What's the matter?
Philby: It's my book. I can't get past this one part.
Ninjo: What part.
Philby: The start.
Ninjo: What have you got so far?
Philby (Gets up and walks to his type writer. He reads what he has written): A man enters a bar...
Ninjo: That's it? Then what are those other thousand pages you've been writing for the last eight years?
Philby: Rubbish.
(A maid enters and picks up a pile of papers and drops them into a bin)
Ninjo: Hey, we don't have a maid!
Philby: We don't have walls either but that's never stopped us before!
(Ninjo turns and looks out a giant empty space where one of the apartment walls should be. A jumbo jet flies through the space and hits
Philby in the head)
Ninjo: Check mate!
Scene 2
(Ninjo and Philby are walking through the streets)
Ninjo: The polite thing to do would be to take the jumbo out of your head. It's been there for hours.
Philby: You may have beaten me in chess, Senior, but none can match me in a real man's game - The Grape Escape!
(They go to a street vendor who has this plasticky game set up)
Philby: I'm gonna squish your plastacine with that plastic boot!
(Can't enter as sign says "must be this high and not wearing an aeroplane on your head)
Ninjo: Damn, eh.
Philby: Remember that disjointed caper with Harold Holt...
Ninjo: Stop daydreaming and get the plane out!
Philby: Better stop by at that Mystical Fountain over there to wash it out
(sign: Mystical Fountain - specialises in washing jumbos out of heads)
Philby: Wonderbar!
Scene 3
(Philby sticks his head under the mystical fountain and washes the jumbo out of his head)
Ninjo: Finally, it's been impossible to walk around the apartment with that thing on your head.
Philby: Hey it was a fashion statement ok!
Ninjo: How was that a fashion statement?
Philby: Look can't we have one pleasant evening together with out getting into a fight?
Ninjo: Oh no! I had a date with Waterfall tonight!
(Ninjo hails down a passing hotdog. He climbs on top and the hotdog takes off into the night sky)
Ninjo (yelling as the hot dog flies away): Remember to floss before bed time!
Scene 4
(Waterfall is waiting at a table in a restaurant. Ninjo enters puffing.)
Ninjo: Sorry... (gasping for breath) I'm... late...
(Ninjo slumps into a chair)
Waterfall: You weren't late.
Ninjo: I wasn't?
Waterfall: Time is the construct of a phallo centric society. In a truly equitable world there is no time.
Ninjo: So why do you wear eighteen watches?
Waterfall: To tell the time.
Ninjo: Wait, what?
(Waiter approaches the table)
Waiter: Can I get you anything?
Ninjo: Can I have a cheese burger?
Waterfall: I'll have the horns of a donkey floating in the spit of a elephant.
Waiter: Oh I'm sorry, we're sold out but I can offer you the meaning of life served on a bed lettuce.
Waterfall: No that's ok, I'll have a salad.
The End