Episode 5
Prologue
[Three fates from Greek mythology are deciding the fate of a ship that is floundering below them on the ocean.]
Fate 1: I think it's time we sunk that ship with a tidal wave.
Fate 2: No, it's going to be crushed by a giant squid.
Fate 3: You're all so boring. Watch.
[Camera cuts down to the ship floundering on the sea. Suddenly the sea turns to astroturf. The people on the boat are saved. They step out onto the turf, only to be swallowed by a passing flying elephant.]
CREDITS
Scene 1
[The writer, Philby, sits on his lounge watching episodes of "America's Trashiest Weddings". He is covered in 'Cheeto' crumbs. Ninjo Enters. He walks past the dining table where two chickens are playing a game of chess. He nods to them and keeps walking]
Ninjo: Productive day?
[Philby burps.]
Ninjo: Written anything?
[Philby, proceeds to empty an entire can of spray cheese into his mouth.]
Ninjo: Ah right yeah…
Philby: So how was your date with Waterfall?
Ninjo: Ok, she took me to some poetry reading.
[Ninjo begins to remember his date. Fade out to Ninjo's memory…]
Poet: Blue, stars, shining, on my… pineal gland. Makes me sad. Makes me want to try out for the volleyball team.
Ninjo [To Waterfall]: Very esoteric.
Bohemian at opposite table, yelling: It's not esoteric! It's introspective. Get it right you nark. You hate filled McDonalds eater!
Ninjo: Hey, it's a free country.
[The Bohemian proceeds to beat Ninjo with an inflatable crocodile shaped raft.]
Poet: How ironic.
[Fade back to the apartment]
Ninjo: I think the bohemians are starting to warm to me.
Chicken 1: Check mate.
[Chicken 2 begins screaming and throwing chess pieces around the room.]
Ninjo: We need to get new room mates.
Philby: Eh, at least we get free food.
[A scream is heard, before a flying egg hits Ninjo in the head.]
Philby: Ooh, dinner!
Scene 2
[Philby sits on the couch. The TV is on but all the lights are off and it is dark. A clock says 4:37am. Suddenly he jumps up, turns off the TV and races over to his typewriter. He switches on a desk lamp and begins to type. Lenin walks into the room]
Lenin: You can't write me into your story.
Philby: Of course I can.
Lenin: No you can't you capitalist pig. You're story only has three pages to go. You can't introduce me, the main character, with only three pages to go of a 4538 page novel.
Philby: I'll do what I like.
Ninjo, yelling from another room off screen: Hey, who are you talking to?
Philby, yelling back: Just Lenin.
Ninjo: Hey Lenin.
Lenin: Coming to the movies later?
Ninjo: Can't got to work.
Lenin, under his breath: Capitalist slut.
End
Matt (Colonel)