Episode 9: Snake Mar(sh/ch)es, part 1/3
Harold Holt (looking very wet indeed): Victory will soon be mine.
Mephistopheles: Yours?
Holt: Yes.
Meph.: Very well. Don't pick up on the subtle hint that really victory will be ultimately mine, since I gave you the powers you sold that soul and coffee for. (trails off) Good coffee too, at a modes $5.95…
A Crowbar: I like the way you work, Harold!
Holt: Yes. One day I may be remembered for much more than the rhyming slang "salt".
Crowbar: That and your mysterious disappearance. By the way…why are you still wet?
(Awkward Pause).
Holt: I haven't found a towel yet.
Crowbar: Never mind! Soon you will release-
Holt: YES! NOW LET'S NOT SPOIL THE REMAINDER OF THE STORY IN THE OPENING SCENE! Who would have thought that "all the way with LBJ" was not actually that US hickey but simply a bad anachronism for - THE DEVIL!
Start Credits.
Scene 1: The Dudes' apartment.
Ninjo: Looks like-
Philby: A fish?
Ninjo: …no…
Philby: Shame. Haven't had anything to eat for 3 weeks.
Ninjo: We have a kitchen full of food, what are you talking about?
Philby: Eh. I'm hungry for fish.
Ninjo (bored with Philby's starvation): What, it's your muse?
Philby: Don't know how to respond to that, but LOOK HAROLD HOLT'S LEVITATING OUT THE WINDOW!
(Camera turns to see Holt with a jet pack, holding a crowbar)
Philby: Who would have guessed the prologue could have had something to do with the rest of the episode?!
Holt: Silence! I will put an end to you two insignificant people to me and my plan, excuses for the allegorical figures you're trying to be! You wouldn't even be able to stop me anyway!
Ninjo: Hey! He can write, and I can Ninjo! We save the world!
(Ninjo jumps out the window, Holt moves slightly to the left, Ninjo falls down crashing into a Wizard)
Wizard: Kazaam!
(Holt flies off)
Holt: Release the snakes!
Scene 2: The Dudes' apartment, redux.
(Same scene, characters in same position)
Ninjo: You wouldn't think that what just happened just happened, would you?
Philby: Only if you're an idiot.
Ninjo: What did he mean about the snake?
Philby: Probably those. (points out window - hoard of snakes slithering all over it and into the apartment. Ninjo gasps and swallows a snake in surprise.)
Philby: Still no fish.
Scene 3: Time for fight.
(Night time, near a castle. Holt's lair - they can tell by the sign that says that exactly up the top. Both are in Ninja uniform)
Ninjo: You look ridiculous.
Philby: Well, maybe I'll dress you up as a writer, then we'll see what's what.
Remind me why we're taking on a resurrected Prime Minister that has a snake army?
Ninjo: He threatened us this morning!
Philby: We're hardly super heroes, and we managed to survive the hoards. Not to mention you survived a 10 storey fall. We're doing pretty well.
Ninjo: Silence.
(they creep into the dark chasm)
(lights go on, very bright. They're caught, and just stand up - don't try to run away. Holt flies down on a personal copter rotor.)
Holt: Ahh, predictability. Now that I've got you, I just have to get the more serious threats - armies, batman, etc. - and I'll victory will be mine (echoes of Meph crying in the cave). I don't think I'll imprison any of you anyway. I think I might just send you back home - that seems to stop you enough. I do applaud you coming out to try and stop me - it's quite flattering.
Scene 4: The Dudes' apartment, last time.
Ninjo: I wonder what he means, 'victory will be mine.' Victory to what?
Philby: Wouldn't it already be his, I mean, he has snakes.
Ninjo: Eh.
(pause)
Philby: Ninjo?
Ninjo: Yes, Philby.
Philby: I'm dying.
Ninjo: Oh poor Philby! I didn't realise you were wounded!
Philby: No…I haven't eaten anything still. And the snakes have cleared out our supplies!
Camera shows empty cupboards with one snake with big chunky legs running through it.
Philby slumps to the floor.
Subtitle: To Be Continued…