Back to school

The MON team are all heading back to uni after their long break.

But for some of us it won’t be long. Dex, Devslashtux and I will be off again in a week and a bit as we head off to NZ for 8 days of skiing. New Zealand won’t know what hit it!

Just like Johnny Bobsled didn’t know what hit him when he ran head first into a pile of deer antlers. For years afterwards he couldn’t play the slide whistle with out saying “My teeth are running the White House.”

I never worked out what that meant…

And on that note here’s an old story Snakymcgee wrote along time ago that I just found on my computer.

Swinging me system, looks like the punks are in town.

The Junior Novelisation. J.C. Budgeandsludge.

A monket leapt from the pole. “OOOh AHHH AHHHHHHHH!!!” it squealed with vigour, eating a banana as it swung to the top of the roof in a fluid motion.

“Get down here,” cried his owner. “Stop eating that banana! That’s my lunch.” Suddenly a lunch machine materialised and gave the owner another banana. Monkey comes down and steals the next banana. Repeats until owner asks for a watermelon, whereby the monkey subsequently dies (out of frustration, trying to peal it).

“Well, that settled that.” The owner runs away and joins the circus.

At the circus the owner spots an albatross, which upon closer inspection is revealed to actually be Sir François Winterbottom. The owner (who’s name is Aldolfous but whom will be referred to as chicken man) dances a jig atop Winterbottom’s sternum!

Good News Everyone…

We love our TV here in the Middle of Nowhere cave. Some of our favourite programmes in particular seem to be ones that the networks cancel – two which I can readily think of being Firefly and Futurama.

Today I read in the news, that Futurama is being revived by Comedy Central! As Prof. Farnsworth says “Good news everyone!” Although in this case the only delivery is a brand new season of shiny episodes!

But of course, for those of us here in the great southern land, we’ll be waiting until 2008…

A Foggy Vista

Warning: Nerdy Material Ahead

Yesterday morning, it was cold and foggy. The type of morning to sit inside by the fire. By 1 PM it was still foggy – something I’ve not seen before here.

I decided to try out the shiny new Windows Vista and use my brand spanking new DVD burner (which supports +R, -R, +RW, -RW, +R DL, -R DL etc…) to make my nerdy side happy. (no, developing this website doesn’t count as nerdy)
So after leeching 3.2 GB over my internet connection – a 18 hour marathon of excitement and fun – I discovered that either my DVD drive is writing crap to the discs or the Vista ISO had corrupted in the download.

Of the four DVD’s I have burned today; one has been coasterised,  two wont read in the other computer and the fourth holds a copy of Windows Vista which happily returns the error message ’80070241′ – possibly the clearest error message Microsoft have ever invented. At least it has a rhythm to it.

Update: I’ve discovered that the other computer will only read DVD+R disks. And I’m still not running Vista :(

Do Test Screenings Ruin Film Integrity

I understand that films, in the end, are big business. Hence the giant figures these film studios and sometimes actors make.

But with films, these are products that are trying to cater to peoples’ particular tastes, and so there is a certain amount of risk involved. So what’s the main thing Hollywood in particular does? A number of things:

1) Make it to the tune of a formula that has been proven to work (i.e. the Bond movies formula, which I’m thinking of writing about later)

2) Test screenings!

Test screenings are critical, and if the movie doesn’t rate well with the select preview audience then BY JOVE it’s going to be changed.

The question is: does this ruin the integrity of the movie? Was it going to be a much better movie critically if the changes weren’t made, rather than appealing to the mass economic reason or social/political landscape of the time (to illustrate the latter, movies such as Spiderman and Lilo and Stitch had to have their endings changed because they corresponded too much with the September 11 attacks. And now an entire movie has been made about it. Logical, no; cash-in, oh yes). Besides, it’s not like the whole world is seated at these test screenings, so the future of this movie is resting on the decision of these highly-prized individuals who scored tickets to a free movie.

I also saw on the news a while ago this program that let people edit movies so to make them more suitable for their kids or whatever. But that’s someone butchering a movie. Why not wait until they’re older – that’s what ratings are therefore. Or, gosh, let them watch the whole thing. For some movies they might end up being 15 mins long and quite boring without some of the more involving scenes. Can you imagine watching the new Star Wars without the action? The dialogue is painful enough as it is.

OK, that’s that finished, but I just wanted to point out a little formula here that I’m sure people already know.

A main idea for something is to be unpredictable (or, if you read above, seem unpredictable but reliant very much on the opposite). So in the case of a ‘plan’, if it is described early on in the plot, it will ALWAYS fail to execute properly. However, if you see them discuss the plan but it’s more like whispers, then there will be this awesome plan that’s crazy-as-cool and it will execute flawlessly.

I just wanted to add that thing in anyway.

Anyway, that is all, for now…

More news from the land of MON

Things have been pretty quiet here in old MON land with the MON team rushing to finish end of semester assignments.

I know Dex in particular has been hammered with work and I had to hand in a couple of massive assignments before my break which started yesterday.

But in the mean time we’ve had plenty of 21sts to goto in particular Snakymcgee’s Medieval party and my (Colonel) party which were held in a two week period.

Both parties were most excellent affairs with Snaky’s in particular memorable for the fact that it was a party in which everyone got to walk around with giant swords.

Things have been exciting for me as well in that my birthday yielded a brand new laptop which has left me very excited. Hopefully the new lappy (A Toshiba M50/L00 – http://www.cybershop.net.au/Notebooks/SatelliteM50.shtml) will result in a stack of new MON work.

Other news is the impending launch of Middle of Nowhere’s first business venture which will see the Middle of Nowhere name branching out into the exciting field of web design.

The business page is getting ready to launch so stay tuned for more developments there!

Time

Time is awesome. It’s interesting, though, that western society’s major study of time is history, something that looks backwards in order to perhaps foresee the future. This is indeed wise, but perhaps limited. In Balinese society (according to what I remember from my first year anthropology lecturer) the symbolic emphasis is on looking to the future, with children seen as the important thing. If they are lucky enough to have members of their family 4 generations or more before them alive, they are not allowed to know them, for it is needed to move on.

I don’t know what I believe about that – surely past elements are not forgotten; it seems like a theory that assumes quite a lot of things. Or perhaps I don’t totally understand. And also, it’s not as if western society doesn’t ‘look towards the future’ – though perhaps in not such an embedded way.

Moving on to other things, however, is individual perception of time. We all think we’re living in the ‘present’, however by the time it takes for the brain to process what we see, feel, hear etc., it has moved on. As you look out onto planets, the time it takes to view images of what is going on it could be indeed many years earlier to what’s going on now. Relativity and all that. There’s a great story in Dan Simmons Hyperion (1989, Headline Feature) which tells of a recruit who spends his work in space for mere months, and during resting spends his time on a local planet which has his inhabitants (including his love) age dramatically as they live in a state relative to their planet. So in a short period of a man’s life, he loves someone who he sees in short bursts, where she has aged immensely each time and eventually dies.

Still, these people are moving forward. What about living life backwards, such as another story in Hyperion, which shows a girl aging backwards each day. There is also the case of Merlin in T. H. White’s interpretation (The Sword in the Stone from The Once an Future Kind, HarperCollins Publishers 1996):

‘Ah, yes. How did I know to set breakfast for two? That was why I showed you the looking-glass. Now ordinary people are born forwards in Time, if you understand what I mean, and nearly everything in the world goes forward too. This makes it quite easy for the ordinary people to live, just as it would be to join those five dots into a W if you were allowed to look at them forwards, instead of backwards and inside out. But I unfortunately was born at the wrong end of Time, and I have to live backwards from in front, while surrounded by a lot of people living forwards from behind. Some people call it Second Sight.’

He stopped talking and looked at the Wart in an anxious way.

‘Have I told you this before?’

‘No, we only met about half an hour ago.’

‘So little time to pass?’ said Merlyn, and a big tear ran down to the end of his nose. He wiped it off with his pyjamas and added anxiously, ‘am I going to tell it to you again?’

‘I don’t know,’ said the Wart, ‘unless you have not finished telling me yet.’

‘You see, one gets confused with Time, when it is like that. All one’s tenses get muddled, for one thing. If you know what is going to happen, and not what has happened to them, it makes it difficult to prevent it happening, if you don’t want it to have happened, if you see what I mean? Like drawing in a mirror.’

p. 31

This, plus The Scholar’s Tale in Hyperion both are interesting concepts, yet confusing as while they age backwards they seem to talk and do things in a forward motion. Rachel ages backwards (I think in her sleep), but each day she acts it out and talks in a very linear fashion. And as for Merlin, well, I’m not sure I understand his plight at all. He seems to be going backwards, but I’m not sure why he isn’t going completely backwards, i.e. walking backwards, uneating his food, talking in a rather amusing way but incomprehendible way (except perhaps for satanic messages).

And now we have the Infinite Chronicles stories, that doesn’t give a damn about being clear (since it doesn’t decide to be linear). For example, these characters manipulate time indefinitely (despite not ever gaining the Infinite Power Device) yet don’t change their own fate!

In the first story (The Good, The Bad and The Infinite) many major characters die. In later stories we have these characters alive (logically, as they are at an earlier point in their lives [even if they're in a setting which is many years after their death...as you can see, this is confusing]). Some characters even KNOW about their deaths! Yet, with their timetravel ability, don’t alter this.

I suppose the Time Jump Law Enforcment Agency is doing it’s job.

Parents

What is the definition of a good parent? Obviously someone who cares, rather than one who abuses, ignores or simply leaves their child.

But this is too simplified. Some things do happen which isn’t exactly great parenting, but then again a child’s interpretation of something could result in bad repercussions. I know that everyone getting their way isn’t possible, but surely there must be a way of seeing that somethings really do hurt people.

What defines a good parent? Perhaps a parent treats their kids in the way they wanted to be treated as a child by their parents: if they were neglected in an area, they’ll go to extraordinary efforts to make sure their child gets that – while perhaps ignoring the other elements which they recieved as children, taking them for granted.

Using this philosophy perhaps the worst of parents therefore produce the next generation of good parents (as total neglect gives a child knowledge of all the areas of how to care for someone). Though with that, this alleged ‘perfect parent’ will then cause the next generation to become another aweful parent, as they take for granted everything that was taken care of for them. And thus the cycle continues.

I don’t believe in this entirely, but I often think about it.

Mmmm, free stuff

Went to the shops today to buy some milk. And the milk came with a free yogurt and mongo desert thing. It’s so good I’m eating it right now.

Don’t know why it was free, it’s not out of date, but hey who am I to complain.

Not much new in the land of MON. I’ll be turning 21 soon and preparations have begun for what will hopefully be a monster party with all the MON crew in attendence.

Also, been studying utopias for uni. Interesting topic. I’ll post some ideas that I’ve had in a few days when I get a chance.

Not much else to say, just wanted to let the world know about this yogurt!

Carrots

I ate a carrot last night. Man it was good. So crunchy, such a good flavour, so consistent. In fact, it was so good I decided to dedicate a poem to it:

ODE TO A CARROT

O carrot of gold,
Not three months old,
I eat you up.

I didn’t like this poem. So I decided on another:

CARROT MAN

Yummy, yummy, yummy,
I’ve got ‘rot in my tummy
And I feel like throwing up.

This one wasn’t that good either, and it was slightly taken off a bad song.

So I couldn’t describe this carrot. So I decided to take a picture of it in all its glory:

Carrot

Actually, I couldn’t take a picture because after eating the carrot it was in my belly (Unless you count an unpicturable and obscure X-Ray). So I painted a Carrot in Paint. Subsequently, here is a picture of a three-legged man eating a carrot.

3 legged man eating carrot
I believe that is all.

–Ate-a-carrot-last-night.

p.s. it was raw.

MONStock 97

Well another year another MONStock. After MONStock 98 had to be abandoned due to the inability of MON members other then me to commit to a date we decided to try again with a bigger and greater MONStock 97.

Unfortunately Dex (Deon) decided to be anti-social not attend this most wonderous of MON occasions, instead whinging about inter-galactic hyper monkeys or some such similar lame ass excuse.

Never the less Devslashtux, Snakyemcgee and myself, Colonel, gathered at a secret MON location for a fervent out pouring of MONificence.

Of course, in true MON tradition we didn’t actually do anything. Well unless you include rustling 14 mooses and teaching them how to eat turkey as something. But I don’t, and you shouldn’t.

Eventually Devslashtux, again following the grand tradition of previous MONStock conferences actually did something. By something I mean a downright awful flash animation that will soon be appearing on the website soon. This is actually the first time any one from the MON team has animated anything and it once again proves that Deslashtux is the only member of the MON team with any talent. (And even his talent is suspect in light of the animation he produced)

But I digress. Well actually I don’t because there’s nothing really to digress to or from. Which reminds me of a story about a duck named Walter.

Walter was a fine duck who went around the land ducking all he saw. That was until the sorcerer Nosganda told him he was no longer allowed to duck. Walter didn’t understand if this meant he could no longer duck, ie crouch/bend down, or he could no longer be a duck.

When he asked the sorcerer to clarify his edict the sorcerer snapped his book shut on Walter’s nose and left to join a acrobatics troupe.

Walter went on to become the head cheerleader for a large US university (which one exactly I can’t remember) and in his later life would become famous as the politician who bought Alaska from the Russians for 7 pennies and an elk.

I’ve heard from time to time that the above story has inspired many people to achive great feats of heroism and drama. But I’ve never believed it when I heard it.

Instead I choose to live the life of a quiet candle maker, which is why I hosted MONStock 97. Well it isn’t really, but is anyone going to notice?

Probably…

A Blurry Matt

Carpet Bowling - Just one step below curling